Not Hired user, “Paula Plenty,” reports that a candidate for a customer service phone representative position talked to each of the three people with whom she interviewed about how important it was to have the ability to watch a portable television in her cubicle. The candidate sealed her “not hired” fate by following up her interview with a letter that included:
I know you can understand that being allowed to watch TV helps keeps [sic] us sane during the downtime and giving good customer support really only takes one ear. The customers on the phone don’t have to know that I have a TV and I like to watch TV at work because it doesn’t hurt my work, I have a mini TV that I like to keep on my desk and watch with a white earplug. My other ear can hear the phone and listen to customer support issues. You have to trust me that it isn’t a problem even when very dramatic story is happening on my shows.
I am plagued by guys who think they’re clever…..they will come on to me using my name in a sentence as many times as possible. “Hey there, Gertrude, someone around here sure smells good, and it ain’t me, Getrude………Could I get your phone number Gertrude, and take you out for dinner, Gertrude?” Um, no! Customers, as far as I’m concerned, do not have the right to know my name, unless I choose to give it to them. End of story.
[and from the same posting. . .]
I work best when I am comfortable, and this means, for one thing, that I cannot become overheated, which happens if I’m not careful about the type of clothing I wear.
Hmmm…so you are looking for a non-traditional, creative writer with a sense of humor…are you? You want them to be very creative and funny to boot? You are asking for someone to “WOW” you through the written pages???!!! Well… You just might have found what you are looking for! Because this is what I do…you know…write creatively! You say that you’re not sure of what you’re looking for…but yet…you will know when you find it? I’ve been doing that for years. Maybe…just maybe…I have finally found my meritorious niche? You’ve asked your potential candidates, the question… Have they’ve always wanted to be a writer? Oooh!!! Oooh!!! Oooh!!! I do! I do! Pick me! Pick me! You’ve also asked your potential candidates, the question… Have they’ve always written? Oooh!!! Oooh!!! Oooh!!! I have! I have! Or at least…I’ve tried… You say that we might be a writer and not know it? Or an artist, playwright, dancer and the like? You say…that you might even take “whatever” we are…(Do we even dare reveal our true identity?)…and make us a writer of some sorts? Oooh!!! Oooh!!! Oooh!!! I’m your candidate! I’m your candidate! Hey…I’ve been looking to get into this field for a long time! I’ve dabbled here and there. Well…more like trickled… But…I love this business and I love being creative. And I love taking what is deep within me and turning into a stellar masterpiece!!! The question to ask is…have I been looking longer, than you have been searching? Only time will be able to solidify that question. However, I need to take a moment…if you don’t mind…to think? I would like to take my dogs for a walk in Bear Branch Park and mull this over. You are more than welcome to come along, if you would like? Maybe between the two of us…or is it three or four? We can determine…if we’re a great match? Since…I have more of an advantage of knowing what this park looks like, than you do. Let me set the proverbial stage for you… Oh…before I go too far…you will have to excuse the excessive ellipses…that I tend to use. I dunno…in order for me to get my thoughts across to my readers…I tend to take many “pause” breaks… But…I’m very willing to restrain myself from using them…if it begins to affect your psyche with overwhelming intensity. The Bear Branch Park is a dog friendly area. It has 2+ very shady acres…and it is separated into a large dog section and a small dog section. There is even a zoo…smack dab in the middle of the park…of all things. There is water available in both dog areas…many benches to sit upon and of course…dog-waste bags and waste containers. Dogs and companions are loving the shade and maybe…just maybe…while the dogs are having their “day in the park”…we owners…end up having too much time on our hands…to think about…well maybe…just about anything? As a friend once said… “Sometimes…I feel like…I really should write for a living…but I don’t particularly have a topic. Such is the case…at this moment. Then again…I seldom let a lack of coherence stop me from writing about anything else. Why change now? I have no good reason to do that either. And there you have it: I’m feeling too compelled to have a good reason to do things. Sure…I’m compelled to have a good job (most of us…I suppose) since we want frivolous things like food and a roof over our heads. Some of us even buy clothes. There are a few…that don’t…and I sincerely wish would…but I haven’t the heart to tell them. Actually… it’s just that I haven’t found the snidest way to put it to them…and I have my standards…after all. Admittedly…not very many and most of them are low (below the belt)…but I have some…written down…around here somewhere. Outside of life’s necessities…and even during them…there’s a remarkable tendency to do things the way people expect you to… To say what one would not be surprised to hear…such as one…you would say. I can’t think of a single good reason for this. Where’s the style…where’s the originality in that? How much inane boredom can a person take? When someone asks you…”How are you this morning?” Is it actually required for you to give them a straight answer? Instead of saying…”Fine.” When it isn’t true. How about coming up with a metaphor or simile…that will make them think and respect you? Something like… “I’m as defenestrated as a stale bagel”. Right off…they have to head to the dictionary…because chances are good, that they don’t have a clue what “defenestrate” means…”to throw something out of an upper-story window.” It’s a great word. So now…you’ve done them the service of stimulating their mind, first thing in the morning and creatively telling them, that you’re not so great. If you’re a stale bagel…you’re already feeling pretty bad about yourself…being thrown out of a window is rubbing salt in the wound. Kudos to you, if they’re not a “morning person.” I myself… am so bad in that respect… that I am immune to all vocabulary before at least 10:00 am. At best…someone will pick you up and throw you in a refuse container next to some dog ferments from the park…in a leaky bag from Kroger’s…where someone actually…for once…cleaned up after their dog. That sounds pretty awful…but it isn’t as bad as being “chowed” down upon by a Chow Chow…and eventually becoming dog ferments, yourself. So…when you tell your office mate…that…in effect…you feel like you’re on the verge of becoming dog ferments…you’ve darn well answered the question with considerable style.” Does that make you better than they are…because they asked such a normal question in such an unimaginative fashion? Maybe… Maybe it does…or maybe it doesn’t… Okay…so where does this leave us? Am I good potential candidate for you to consider as a “non-traditional” writer? Can this inept mind stimulate your reader’s psyche, that it thrusts your decision to the forefront and give this ole Texas gal (really from Florida…but don’t tell anyone)…a “spit-firing” chance? I hope so… I would like to shout from the biggest mountain in this great big…magnanimous… planet…called earth…with about as much muster, as I can come up with… ”PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!” Yet…I realize…that I may be doomed to stand in that long tedious line of despondent “want-a-bee’s”…waiting to be discovered. Hopefully… after reflecting upon my multi-facet talents…you will be sure to crown me the victor!!! Oh don’t worry… I am quite heavily weighed down with a Bachelor’s Degree… along with many accolades…that could maybe…possibly…be disjointed. And my dress attire? Well…you should have no problems finding it quite fitting for an irreverent office. If I am deserving of such an astute crown…you may contact me at [deleted]@yahoo.com. Looking forward to your enthusiastic consideration!!! Okay…I am getting up now…need to go exercise my dogs again… Obviously… going to Bear Branch Park today…left me with way too much time on my hands…
While working for one of the largest universities in Missouri, I came across this gem. We decided not to hire this gentleman because his resume was a bit. . . Oh, how can i put this? Verbose is a nice way to put it, I guess.
I even went so far as to call this applicant to discuss “improving” his resume and he was offended that I thought it needed help.
I want to draw for you! I am looking for people that need artwork done for : businesses, communities, books, etc. I am very talented and I most definately have my own style. I also have photoshop and illustrator for use. Do not hesitate. Here are samples of some things I’ve drawn. I can draw it all. Cost will depend on type of job. I do not charge an arm and a leg. Just send me an email titled “UNDER GOD’S HANDS ARTWORK” with your questions, or you can call me @ [removed]. Ask for [removed].
[click on each image below to view full screen versions]
According to several sites on the net (i.e., possibly apocryphal) personnel executives of 100 major American corporations were asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants:
Said he was so well qualified [that] if he didn’t get the job, it would prove that the company’s management was incompetent.
Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
Brought her large dog to the interview.
Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.
Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.
She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to the music and me at the same time.
Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.
Asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
Announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewer’s office.
Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview.
Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president.
Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.
Wouldn’t get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.
When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.
Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.
Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.
Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.
Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer was formal.
Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.
While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.
During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s briefcase. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.
A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: “Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?” I said, “I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.” He promptly responded, “I am as long as you’ll pay me more.” I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.
His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.
He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn’t want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped.
He took off his right shoe and sock, opened a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time.
Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
He whistled when the interviewer was talking.
Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.
She threw up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened.
Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.
Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.
You might ask what is it that I do? I will then ask YOU..what is it that you want me to do…You will then tell me what you would like me to do then of course and finally I will tell you that is what I’m good at. See… Already we are having a good interview.
Like mindless zombie monkeys, blindly running through with yakked orders from superiors that actually are less intelligent than they, if that’s even possible.
About 80% of systems I see could be run much more efficiently than they are being run.
I see the flaws in almost every system around me.
I have tried making my own businesses many times but somehow my absolute frustration in EVERYONE’s incompetence cuts me off at the knees.
I cannot seem to keep things in context.
I was tested in high school, they said my I.Q. was 45 points above the World Record, but I didn’t believe them.
Their stupid tests aren’t accurate at all!
How could they judge my abilities with a stupid test?
I need money, so I’ve been filling out these stupid job applications for like 3 weeks now.
My wife says I need to be lees abrasive, but I can’t seem to be anything but what I am.
I see the flaws, I can correct them, why shouldn’t I?
How dare the world disregard genius?
Why is my intelligence something to be shunned and avoided?
I am quite polite, I even ignore the impulse to correct the bad grammar of the people who interview me for these jobs I’m never getting.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong!
I feel like if I pasted a fake uni-brow on my forehead, crossed my eyes, then drooled a bit I’d probably get call backs for interviews with these Neanderthals.
Why is the world reverting back to idiot mode?
I am intelligent and I TAKE PRIDE IN MY INTELLECT.
Should I not?
I don’t view my superiority as anything other than what it is “SUPERIORITY”!
Why must everyone be so politically full of shit all the time?
I am not like everyone else, why should I have to pretend to be?
I am more intelligent than they are, I am fit for management only, I cannot be a fucking box-boy, or a waiter!
[snip]
Will you give me a job?
My number is [snip]
My name is [snip]
Unless you are looking for web or graphic design my past work experience is irrelevant, so don’t ask.
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![OH HAI! IM IN UR INBOX APLYING 4 EDITOR POZISHN [snip] I think Katherine Moennig is hot, even though she is most likely a lesbian. If my wide array of interests doesn\'t qualify me for the job, then no one will, even if they stretched their interests wider than that goatse guy. [snip] I CAN HAS EHDEETOR POZISHN PLZ? K THX BYE](http://img.nothired.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/lol_cat.gif "LOLcat")
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