Archive for the ‘Cover Letters’ Category
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Posted June 30 by HiringManagerL
Tags:Fast Track to Nowhere, Just Plain Sad
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I am interested in a position with either a production company or individual clients who could use assistance with the production & technology involved with audio & video recordings.
[snip]
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June 29, 2009
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Posted June 29 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Duh!, Hubris
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Cut-and-pasted from a single cover letter:
“I’m super fun!”
. . .and. . .
“I am the most humble person you will ever interview.”
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Posted June 26 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Duh!, Fast Track to Nowhere, Just Plain Sad, Misunderstood
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A Not Hired user reports that he was hiring a financial controller and received the following cover letter from a candidate who was working as a cashier. Click on the image to see why the candidate was not hired!
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June 17, 2009
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Posted June 17 by Hiring Manager K.
Tags:Fast Track to Nowhere, Just Plain Sad, Sexy
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Our source reports that this candidate showed up to her interview in jean shorts:
“I have been in professional environments and I know when I need to pull my hair up and act like a lady.”
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Posted June 06 by HiringManagerL
Tags:Duh!, Typo
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June 5, 2009
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Posted June 05 by HiringManagerL
Tags:Goofy, Sexy
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May 31, 2009
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Posted May 31 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Misunderstood, Simple Pleasures, T.M.I.
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These were the last two sentences of a cover letter; we still can’t figure out if there is a connection between them:
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May 27, 2009
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Posted May 27 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Duh!, Fast Track to Nowhere, Foot in Mouth, Hubris, Just Plain Sad, Psycho, Scary, T.M.I.
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It’s like the whole world has gone mad!
Everywhere I look I see idiots!
Idiots!
Like mindless zombie monkeys, blindly running through with yakked orders from superiors that actually are less intelligent than they, if that’s even possible.
About 80% of systems I see could be run much more efficiently than they are being run.
I see the flaws in almost every system around me.
I have tried making my own businesses many times but somehow my absolute frustration in EVERYONE’s incompetence cuts me off at the knees.
I cannot seem to keep things in context.
I was tested in high school, they said my I.Q. was 45 points above the World Record, but I didn’t believe them.
Their stupid tests aren’t accurate at all!
How could they judge my abilities with a stupid test?
I need money, so I’ve been filling out these stupid job applications for like 3 weeks now.
My wife says I need to be lees abrasive, but I can’t seem to be anything but what I am.
I see the flaws, I can correct them, why shouldn’t I?
How dare the world disregard genius?
Why is my intelligence something to be shunned and avoided?
I am quite polite, I even ignore the impulse to correct the bad grammar of the people who interview me for these jobs I’m never getting.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong!
I feel like if I pasted a fake uni-brow on my forehead, crossed my eyes, then drooled a bit I’d probably get call backs for interviews with these Neanderthals.
Why is the world reverting back to idiot mode?
I am intelligent and I TAKE PRIDE IN MY INTELLECT.
Should I not?
I don’t view my superiority as anything other than what it is “SUPERIORITY”!
Why must everyone be so politically full of shit all the time?
I am not like everyone else, why should I have to pretend to be?
I am more intelligent than they are, I am fit for management only, I cannot be a fucking box-boy, or a waiter!
[snip]
Will you give me a job?
My number is [snip]
My name is [snip]
Unless you are looking for web or graphic design my past work experience is irrelevant, so don’t ask.
[snip]
You want to talk to people who know me?
Need references?
My momma’s number is [snip]
My Pop’s number is [snip]
My wife’s number is [snip]
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May 19, 2009
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Posted May 19 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Foot in Mouth
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May 18, 2009
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Posted May 18 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Fast Track to Nowhere, Gimmicky, Hubris, Just Plain Sad, Psycho, T.M.I.
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Hmmm…so you are looking for a non-traditional, creative writer with a sense of humor…are you? You want them to be very creative and funny to boot? You are asking for someone to “WOW” you through the written pages???!!! Well… You just might have found what you are looking for! Because this is what I do…you know…write creatively! You say that you’re not sure of what you’re looking for…but yet…you will know when you find it? I’ve been doing that for years. Maybe…just maybe…I have finally found my meritorious niche? You’ve asked your potential candidates, the question… Have they’ve always wanted to be a writer? Oooh!!! Oooh!!! Oooh!!! I do! I do! Pick me! Pick me! You’ve also asked your potential candidates, the question… Have they’ve always written? Oooh!!! Oooh!!! Oooh!!! I have! I have! Or at least…I’ve tried… You say that we might be a writer and not know it? Or an artist, playwright, dancer and the like? You say…that you might even take “whatever” we are…(Do we even dare reveal our true identity?)…and make us a writer of some sorts? Oooh!!! Oooh!!! Oooh!!! I’m your candidate! I’m your candidate! Hey…I’ve been looking to get into this field for a long time! I’ve dabbled here and there. Well…more like trickled… But…I love this business and I love being creative. And I love taking what is deep within me and turning into a stellar masterpiece!!! The question to ask is…have I been looking longer, than you have been searching? Only time will be able to solidify that question. However, I need to take a moment…if you don’t mind…to think? I would like to take my dogs for a walk in Bear Branch Park and mull this over. You are more than welcome to come along, if you would like? Maybe between the two of us…or is it three or four? We can determine…if we’re a great match? Since…I have more of an advantage of knowing what this park looks like, than you do. Let me set the proverbial stage for you… Oh…before I go too far…you will have to excuse the excessive ellipses…that I tend to use. I dunno…in order for me to get my thoughts across to my readers…I tend to take many “pause” breaks… But…I’m very willing to restrain myself from using them…if it begins to affect your psyche with overwhelming intensity. The Bear Branch Park is a dog friendly area. It has 2+ very shady acres…and it is separated into a large dog section and a small dog section. There is even a zoo…smack dab in the middle of the park…of all things. There is water available in both dog areas…many benches to sit upon and of course…dog-waste bags and waste containers. Dogs and companions are loving the shade and maybe…just maybe…while the dogs are having their “day in the park”…we owners…end up having too much time on our hands…to think about…well maybe…just about anything? As a friend once said… “Sometimes…I feel like…I really should write for a living…but I don’t particularly have a topic. Such is the case…at this moment. Then again…I seldom let a lack of coherence stop me from writing about anything else. Why change now? I have no good reason to do that either. And there you have it: I’m feeling too compelled to have a good reason to do things. Sure…I’m compelled to have a good job (most of us…I suppose) since we want frivolous things like food and a roof over our heads. Some of us even buy clothes. There are a few…that don’t…and I sincerely wish would…but I haven’t the heart to tell them. Actually… it’s just that I haven’t found the snidest way to put it to them…and I have my standards…after all. Admittedly…not very many and most of them are low (below the belt)…but I have some…written down…around here somewhere. Outside of life’s necessities…and even during them…there’s a remarkable tendency to do things the way people expect you to… To say what one would not be surprised to hear…such as one…you would say. I can’t think of a single good reason for this. Where’s the style…where’s the originality in that? How much inane boredom can a person take? When someone asks you…”How are you this morning?” Is it actually required for you to give them a straight answer? Instead of saying…”Fine.” When it isn’t true. How about coming up with a metaphor or simile…that will make them think and respect you? Something like… “I’m as defenestrated as a stale bagel”. Right off…they have to head to the dictionary…because chances are good, that they don’t have a clue what “defenestrate” means…”to throw something out of an upper-story window.” It’s a great word. So now…you’ve done them the service of stimulating their mind, first thing in the morning and creatively telling them, that you’re not so great. If you’re a stale bagel…you’re already feeling pretty bad about yourself…being thrown out of a window is rubbing salt in the wound. Kudos to you, if they’re not a “morning person.” I myself… am so bad in that respect… that I am immune to all vocabulary before at least 10:00 am. At best…someone will pick you up and throw you in a refuse container next to some dog ferments from the park…in a leaky bag from Kroger’s…where someone actually…for once…cleaned up after their dog. That sounds pretty awful…but it isn’t as bad as being “chowed” down upon by a Chow Chow…and eventually becoming dog ferments, yourself. So…when you tell your office mate…that…in effect…you feel like you’re on the verge of becoming dog ferments…you’ve darn well answered the question with considerable style.” Does that make you better than they are…because they asked such a normal question in such an unimaginative fashion? Maybe… Maybe it does…or maybe it doesn’t… Okay…so where does this leave us? Am I good potential candidate for you to consider as a “non-traditional” writer? Can this inept mind stimulate your reader’s psyche, that it thrusts your decision to the forefront and give this ole Texas gal (really from Florida…but don’t tell anyone)…a “spit-firing” chance? I hope so… I would like to shout from the biggest mountain in this great big…magnanimous… planet…called earth…with about as much muster, as I can come up with… ”PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!” Yet…I realize…that I may be doomed to stand in that long tedious line of despondent “want-a-bee’s”…waiting to be discovered. Hopefully… after reflecting upon my multi-facet talents…you will be sure to crown me the victor!!! Oh don’t worry… I am quite heavily weighed down with a Bachelor’s Degree… along with many accolades…that could maybe…possibly…be disjointed. And my dress attire? Well…you should have no problems finding it quite fitting for an irreverent office. If I am deserving of such an astute crown…you may contact me at [deleted]@yahoo.com. Looking forward to your enthusiastic consideration!!! Okay…I am getting up now…need to go exercise my dogs again… Obviously… going to Bear Branch Park today…left me with way too much time on my hands…
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May 11, 2009
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Posted May 11 by HiringManagerL
Tags:Duh!, Sexy, Unsexy
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May 8, 2009
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Posted May 08 by Hiring Manager D.
Tags:Malaproprism, Typo
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Posted April 26 by HiringManagerL
Tags:Duh!, Typo
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![OH HAI! IM IN UR INBOX APLYING 4 EDITOR POZISHN [snip] I think Katherine Moennig is hot, even though she is most likely a lesbian. If my wide array of interests doesn\'t qualify me for the job, then no one will, even if they stretched their interests wider than that goatse guy. [snip] I CAN HAS EHDEETOR POZISHN PLZ? K THX BYE](http://img.nothired.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/lol_cat.gif "LOLcat")
