Archive for May, 2008

 

May 12, 2008

 

Dr. Phil meets John Fitzgerald. . .

Posted May 12 by Hiring Manager D.
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John Fitzgerald Page is famous for his retarded resume and dating drama.  We love him dearly.

Here he is on Dr. Phil:

+1 VOTES
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Color Us Confused. Very Confused.

Posted May 12 by Hiring Manager D.
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I AM AN ASPIRING MALE MODEL. I AM THE ORIGINATOR OF THE ORANGE COLOR LOOK, AND THE EYE SIDE WAYS LOOK. HOW I AM THE ORIGINATOR I HAVE NO IDEA, AND I AM PROBABLY ONE IN THOUSANDS TO CLAIM TO BE, ALL I KNOW IS THAT IF I AM USED IN PRINT MEDIO MODELING, IT WILL BE UNDERSTOOD THAT I AM THE ORIGINATOR, BUT THERE WILL BE NOW QUESTIONS OR ANSWERING ABOUT IT, JUST MY MODELING PICS WILL BE SELF EXPAINATORY. I NEED SOME ASSISTANCE THOUGH, LIKE SOME MINOR PLASTIC SUGUREY, A PERSONAL TRAINER, A PUBLICIST AND A VERY STRONG, STRONG AGENT. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MEET PLEASE DO NOT CALL, OR EMAIL ME. JUST LIVE A FAX NUMBER AND I WILL CONTACT YOU. EVEN IF YOU ARE A SMALL TIME AGENT, OR VERY EXPERIENCED, THIS COULD BE A HUGE CASH FLOW POTENTIAL IF DONE RIGHT, WITH INTEGRITY AND OF THE HIGHEST ETHICAL STANDARDS. SO SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. THANKS AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.

0 VOTES
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Something Quite Cute about This One. . .

Posted May 12 by Hiring Manager D.
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If have any interest, please write to me. Or maybe I can meet with you!! I hope ear from you!

0 VOTES
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No, You Aren’t.

Posted May 12 by Hiring Manager D.
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0 VOTES
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We Are Mushroom Listeners. . .

Posted May 12 by Hiring Manager D.
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0 VOTES
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May 9, 2008

 

Resume Carpet Doesn’t Match the Headline Drapes. . .

Posted May 09 by Hiring Manager D.
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This is the most dissonant combination of headline and resume we have seen in a long time.
[Click image to view at full size]

CAREER OBJECTIVE:  To Obtain a Full-time Administrative or Political Research Position.  SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS:  • Excellent ability in research, analysis, writing, and the presentation of findings • Highly motivated, organized, flexible, and detail-oriented • Engaging interpersonal skills • Foreign Language Capability: Five and a half years of Spanish and One year of Japanese • Extensive Computer Skills in Microsoft Applications such as Word, Excel, and PowerPoint • Programming Capability in Java, C++, and HTML

+8 VOTES
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“And I Used to Dance on Aircraft Carriers.”

Posted May 09 by Hiring Manager D.
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I like to say that I’m like Cher in that I’m “re-inventing” myself.

+2 VOTES
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The Drugs Do Help!

Posted May 09 by Hiring Manager D.
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i am very responsible, dependent, and get along with kids very well

+7 VOTES
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Their Dung Smells like Red Bull. . .

Posted May 09 by Hiring Manager D.
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Nerd Wrangler

+6 VOTES
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If Not With the Speaking of the English. . .

Posted May 09 by Hiring Manager D.
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Young Person with the Looking for a Job

+5 VOTES
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May 8, 2008

 

Yet Another WTF. . .

Posted May 08 by Hiring Manager D.
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Schizoid bartender seeks job.

+4 VOTES
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Tool.

Posted May 08 by Hiring Manager D.
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I don\'t have any problem deceiving people and I\'m not hard on the eyes.  My current position doesn\'t utilize either of these capacities to their fullest extent, nor does it offer anywhere near fair compensation.  [snip]  Of course, you\'re wondering, \"Well, why won\'t you just lie to me?\"  Well, to answer your astute query, I probably will.  As a person who has hired others, I\'m sure that you realize that everyone who will request a position will lie to you.

+8 VOTES
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Your Next Bachelor Party Needs. . .

Posted May 08 by Hiring Manager D.
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Hey there sexy people!!  I have several years dancing experience at SF\'s famous Gold Club.  Upon my enlightenment I have realized that my religion is what is truly important to me.  I would, however still like to practice my Allah-given gift of dancing and pleasing men.  I am hoping to find work at bachelor parties where I can perform wearing my traditional attire.   So, if you are throwing a bachelor party with no alcohol involved, and would like to have a very sexy, talented stripper dance for you without removing any clothing and showing minimal skin - please contact me!  I\'m your girl!!

+8 VOTES
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Well, We Don’t Accept Interpretative Dances. . .

Posted May 08 by Hiring Manager D.
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I can do almost anything.  I am intelligent and can work with a team. I know it says to post resumes but hey those are boring

+2 VOTES
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Good for You. . .

Posted May 08 by Hiring Manager D.
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I\'m a very responsible and hard working boy. I have excellent communication skills and I am very strong so if anyone needs help with general labor I can assist. I am looking for my first job and I\'ll work extra hard for any company. I come from a respectable family and so I have very good people skills.

+7 VOTES
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May 7, 2008

 

Poor Bastard. . .

Posted May 07 by Hiring Manager D.
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In reality, she hated me, my family, my dog, my clothes, where we went on dates---everything!!!  It sucked that she was my boss.  In reality, she hated me, my family, my dog, my clothes, where we went on dates---everything!!!  It sucked that she was my boss.

+2 VOTES
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Your Next Sysadmin/Ogre. . .

Posted May 07 by Hiring Manager D.
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It isn’t anything that I haven’t seen before and can troubleshoot. I may look like Shrek, but trust me I smell a hell of a lot better.

+5 VOTES
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Sunny Dissed Position. . . (User Submission!)

Posted May 07 by Hiring Manager D.
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A Not Hired user, Tim, reports that he was interviewing for a job working the front desk at a tanning salon. Here is why Tim was not hired:

The manager explained that spending 2 hours in the sun was like spending 20 minutes in a tanning bed. To which I, having never tanned before in my life, replied without batting an eye, “Oh, so it like microwaves you real quick.”

Needless to say, the manager didn’t really like that remark, and I didn’t get the job.

+3 VOTES
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Will Work for Prairie Oysters. . .

Posted May 07 by Hiring Manager D.
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With the mortage, property taxes etc. looking to bring in a little more than ends meat.

+1 VOTES
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Impressive Babbling. . .

Posted May 07 by Hiring Manager D.
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Renaissance Hotel & CC  Concierge July 2006 - Present  Wining the prestige Renaissance reword “ I am the one” as a best emploee  o	Finding various information for the quests needs on a daily bases  o	Having and maintaining contact with the surrounding venues  o	Making various reservations  o	Maintaining the Elite Member Lounge in all aspects

+1 VOTES
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May 6, 2008

 

Video: Phoebe Tunes Joey’s Resume

Posted May 06 by Hiring Manager D.
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+4 VOTES
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Qualified for Exactly Nothing. . .

Posted May 06 by Hiring Manager D.
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+3 VOTES
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Will Work for $8/hour and a Glass Teat. . . (User Submission!)

Posted May 06 by Hiring Manager D.
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Not Hired user, “Paula Plenty,” reports that a candidate for a customer service phone representative position talked to each of the three people with whom she interviewed about how important it was to have the ability to watch a portable television in her cubicle.  The candidate sealed her “not hired” fate by following up her interview with a letter that included:

I know you can understand that being allowed to watch TV helps keeps [sic] us sane during the downtime and giving good customer support really only takes one ear.  The customers on the phone don’t have to know that I have a TV and I like to watch TV at work because it doesn’t hurt my work, I have a mini TV that I like to keep on my desk and watch with a white earplug. My other ear can hear the phone and listen to customer support issues.  You have to trust me that it isn’t a problem even when very dramatic story is happening on my shows.

+5 VOTES
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